I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
