He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
