You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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