don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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