Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
