Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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