Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish my penis had a tongue
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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