tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
