He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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