I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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