So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
