so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
birth control should be required to get into college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
