what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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