Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And then he peed in my hair
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