I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
