if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
