We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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