Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
