I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
