im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
