I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
