I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
