Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
