Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
