one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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