i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
