I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
