I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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