I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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