scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
