He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
