I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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