The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
