if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can't motorboat a personality
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
