She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
