Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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