She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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