I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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