remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
