i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
