You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
These tits shall not be calmed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
