so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
