I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
