well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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