He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
