i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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