I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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