do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
