My room smells like vodka and shame
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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