i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
