She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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