if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
