just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
