just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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