I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
