summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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