Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
