Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
