I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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