You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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