You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
