i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
