1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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