You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
