Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
