I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
