He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
