My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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